7 months left No Changes on him

 

Dear Blog (:

Salam 1 Malaysia 

In the end, I no longer hold any expectations. For nearly 7 months now, I have seen NO change in Zaini, even in his role as a father. He has not taken any initiative in the welfare of the children. He is merely a provider, responsible only for fulfilling basic needs. I've tried to nurture his love and affection for their  children, but it has been in vain. Even when I bring Sophia along, he spends no time with the children, often leaving them at home to go out, socializing or dating his new partner. I realize now that any hope for positive change may be unrealistic, as from the beginning of our marriage, I was the only one taking care of Noah. Even as a father, he has only provided financial support, and only after being urged to fulfill his duties as both a father and a husband .

In my view, his failure as a husband for the second time could be forgiven if he was willing to change and admit his mistakes. However, it would be a great loss for him if he also fails as a father. By Allah, as his wife, I am deeply disappointed by his behavior and actions. It’s as if he lacks empathy for his own family, manipulating fabricated stories to those around him who are unaware of the truth. Many witnesses and evidence attest to the issues we faced. I sincerely pray that Allah guides him on the right path and does not lead him astray like those who were hypocritical in the past.

In Islam teaches, 'A good man is good to his family.'

Six Months Pregnant. Papa , Your Love is Our Home!

 

Dear Blog (:

Salam 1 Malaysia

 

It has now been 6 months, and time has passed so quickly. I am beginning to feel tension and pain in my legs, especially in every  mornings. I can’t imagine or wonder how much more intense labor will be. Even now, I am facing this leg pain on my own. 

Ohh Allah, please grant me the strength to endure this journey. Show me the best path forward. Protect me during childbirth. If that moment comes and my life is in Your hands, please guide my children toward righteousness and raise them in the way that pleases You. Bestow upon them guidance and wisdom from You !

It is indeed challenging to navigate the process of divorce while I am pregnant. My heart feels heavy thinking about the impact on our children. Emotionally, only I and Allah truly understand the weight of this burden, constantly battling feelings that remind me as if my husband is still by my side.

Although we are still in the waiting period (Iddah) , I continue to hope that we can reconcile and become a happy family, as many others do. In the past year , I often felt sorrow for Noah, experiencing the loss of his mother and yearning for a complete family. Now, I find myself in this situation, particularly for my kids, who are just 1year old and the 1 still on the way. Only Allah knows how this story will unfold. I never imagined this would happen, and had my husband not involved a third party, our family might not be in this position

How can I tell  Zaini,  come to realize that the women around him are tests in his life? I urge him to return to where he truly belongs, caring for the family that has been entrusted to him. This world is not everlasting. Please come back to us. Along with our children, wish to guide you toward paradise together.

Please realize that we are the family you have created and promised thru Allah. Do not leave us divided . the children need us together, not living in 2 separate homes. Everything you desire has been granted by Allah without difficulty, such as children and sustenance. Do you wish to deny the blessings Allah has given you for the sake of a small trial in the form of a woman? I have reminded you time and again that status, wealth, and women are your TESTS. Step away from this trial. Awaken and return to your Creator. Do not allow Syaitan  to distract you in this world. 

Remember, the world, wealth, and riches you possess are only temporary. Do not let yourself regret this later. My hands, along with your children’s, are devoted to guiding you back to the path of Allah, the path of His pleasure. Rise up, my husband !

Whenever it rains or after we finish our prayers, I always invite Sophia to join me in praying for her father to realize what he is doing. His decision to divorce due to women and desires, along with his ego that prevents him from accepting human shortcomings, is a mistake. Life constantly presents us with tests. from these tests, we should learn to improve ourselves rather than approaching the same trials again. Let us bring ourselves back to our Creator, Allah.

Lastly, time is very short, there are only 3 months left until I am due to give birth. There has been no reflection from my husband indicating that he wishes to change and improve our family situation. I find myself in a dilemma. if he truly wants us to reunite as a family, he must abandon the sinful actions he has taken, such as engaging in relations with women who are not lawful, maintaining proper boundaries with other women, and being mindful of his speech when interacting with the opposite gender. He should appreciate the family that has always been by his side. Regardless of what happens, this is still your family. When your child is born on the expected date of January 29, 2025, my waiting period (Iddah) will end. At that point, my heart will accept whatever unfolds, even though it may be difficult to accept, I must continue to fulfill the trust that Allah has given me .

Ohh Allah, draw Zaini closer to You with sincere self-reflection. Grant him mental therapy that may come through the remembrance of You and spiritual connection. Instill in him feelings of empathy and humanity so that he may recognize his actions and make amends. As he grows older, let him remember that many women seek only status and wealth. Remind him of the difficult times he has faced and who has truly stood by him, aside from his children

How I feel nowadays in 5months pregnant

Dear blog,

Salam 1 Malaysia (: 

Today, I feel the need to express something that’s weighing heavily on my heart. Besides confiding in You, Ya Rabb, I feel this blog is also a place where I can let out what’s been bottled up inside.

Today, I’m 5 months pregnant. Time flies so fast, and with each passing day, my body aches more, my back hurts. But my heart remains strong and steadfast, ready to face whatever lies ahead.

When the time comes to give birth, I wonder, will he come to iqamah our child? Will he be there in the labor room? And how will he feel seeing his child born on the same day our marriage of more than 3 years might come to an end?

So many thoughts race through my mind. Does he really lack empathy for the birth of his child, or does he ever stop to think about the feelings of the mother carrying his child?

In this pregnancy, I often wish to be pampered, to feel appreciated… but hasbiyallah wa ni’mal wakil, the trials from Allah are truly immense.

Just a week ago, I sought to find out if he had truly changed as he claimed. Yet, Allah, in His wisdom and justice, showed me otherwise. I saw the dating apps, the playful dating WhatsApp messages with his cabin crew, inviting each other out on dates and exchanging affectionate words. My heart aches as I wonder, would it have been better if he acted that way with me? His behavior toward others is so different from how he treats me.

It’s painful to reflect on, but my heart remains strong. Allah has not yet granted him His guidance. Trial after trial comes, but he is still lost in the distractions of this world—his desires and other women. I pray that Allah grants him hidayah, that he doesn’t remain astray until the day he meets You.

Today, I feel the need to express something that’s weighing heavily on my heart. Besides confiding in You, Ya Rabb, I feel this blog is also a place where I can let out what’s been bottled up inside.

Today, I’m 5 months pregnant. Time flies so fast, and with each passing day, my body aches more, my back hurts. But my heart remains strong and steadfast, ready to face whatever lies ahead.

After 3 years and half in SILENT

 

Dear Blog (:

Salam 1 Malaysia 

Its been a long time not update here , so today i express what my feeling was ...

"When we give our everything to others, we tend to forget about ourselves." Sometimes we just go along with everything our loved ones desire, but have you received anything in return? Don't Hope . Because the people we care about will not understand what you sacrifice for them. Take a look back at all we've done. And you'll be able to tell how much she or he appreciated you.

Heyh Diana , I know you're TIRED of everyone telling you that you are going to be okay , when really every day the pain feels like it enlarges and feels never ending . As if this what your life will be forever ?Im not telling you that one day you wont ever hurt again , and maybe you wont . But what Im trying to say is that pain , this constant heartache embedded into your heart will be worth it one day and maybe not in this life but the next for all your struggles will be rewarded in heaven . So all task of you is to hold on. 

Survive as long as possible until Allah provides a path of guidance. 2 months ago, on June 4th, 2024, I received a fantastic test and challenge from someone I adore. My children need a father figure. God had no idea how much my soul and heart were hurting until that moment. At the time, my emotions seemed incapable of bearing the pain of what I witnessed. When I read it, it brought tears to my eyes, Allahuakhbar. Look at him next to me at the time, sound asleep despite the fact that he was able to conceal things that were breaking my heart.

Why is it that the person I love does that to me? What is my sin that God puts me through such a test? The sacrifice I've made for him and this family is still insufficient. Oh God, I am not strong enough to visit my sad heart.

When asked why he cheated on me, he said it was because he was bored with me. God, why don't you shield his heart from his harmful desires and thoughts? Every day, I do my job as a wife and mother to our children, whereas he enjoys texting with other women and slandering and humiliating his wife in front of his colleagues.

He had the luxury of spending his money on the woman while I was cooking for the children and . While I prayed for his health and safe return home, it turned out that he was still having fun inviting them to commit adultery. Doesn't he feel bad about what he did to me?

He offered no solution, even blaming me for what had happened. Cheating is wrong, and adultery is still a major sin. Is it wrong for me to criticize him for what he did? As a result, he filed for divorce against me, Nauzubillah, despite the fact that he was fully aware that I was three months pregnant with his child. And we have two young children, one year and four months old, as well as a nine-year-old stepchild. What exactly was he thinking when he made such a decision?

The tears did not stop flowing day after day, and they fell silently during every prayer. Every night, I lament what happened and beg God to give me strength. Only God can provide the most effective guidance. I can still not stop thinking about what happened. Please, God, soften the husband's heart so that they can both correct themselves and repent to Him. May the husband withdraw this divorce case and remember our fate, as well as that of our children and future generations. 

He is a good husband and father if he can survive in this dunya full of zina 

The Past

 

Dear Blog (:

Salam 1 Malaysia 

We all may have the worst past but we can make the most beautiful future. Don’t dwell on the past, learn to move on. Learn from the it but listen to your heart. Don’t stop feeling, be the same soft hearted person you are. You’re beautiful enough !  You may have made mistakes and that’s okay. Learn from it, your past and watch the smile on your face return. When you least expect it, when you’re at your lowest, He’ll send along all that your heart’s yearned for. You deserve happiness bcos you’re amazing and have a heart of gold. You are enough. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Don’t stand in your own way of happiness, give yourself the chance to live, and to love. I know we might be lost and confused. We might be hurting. But have patience. Time heals all, and I’m not just saying that. Just know that there’s someone made for you, someone and somewhere is waiting for you while you’re here waiting for them. There’s someone out there that will love you so much  the way you deserve to be loved. In their eyes you’ll be perfect regardless of your many shortcomings. They’ll love you boundlessly. They’ll take you out of the darkness, they’ll find you and make you you again. Have patience and live life, when the time is right you’ll find them and they’ll find you. -ND 

Hardship this time , I really need your help

 

Dear Blog (:

Salam 1 Malaysia , 

Have been so long I did not update my blogger,

and today ..... ,

  I just got the right time with my beloved diary <3

 I dont know how to express , all become uncertain , 

 my life changed 360 degrees  and I must continue my life like a normal .

Ohh Allah , I want to change . I dont want to be like this anymore .

They dont hear my silence , this silence is a cry for help .

Ohh Allah , only you hear it , I know you hear me ! Help me for i no longer want to live like this .

Ohh Allah , my eyes are sore , my heart constantly aches , my lungs are giving out . Its getting hard to breath . I am my own self destruction . 

Ohh Allah , please save me for I dont want to fall back down again . I dont want to feel this pain anymore . Its really made me suffer a lot ! 

There is a void in me that I cant fill , this void can only be filled with your light . 

Ohh Allah , help me . Save me . I am lost and I need to find my way . I need to find my way back 

Please guide me 

-ND

Heart only remember Allah

Dear Blog 

Salam 1 Malaysia 

What I’ve learnt is to be grateful at all times. I know sometimes it’s so hard to do so, and you feel like talking to Allah, you feel like reminding Him about all those things that make you sad. and when you do so, you also tell Him that if you do not complain to Him, then to whom you should go and lighten the burdens of your heart. because He said that He’s the only One for you, because He said that He loves you, that’s why you always go to Him and talk about your sufferings, about everything that’s breaking your heart apart. but despite it all, you have to tell yourself that you’re not that wise to understand His plans, that His plans are always for your good but you do not understand. sometimes He makes your heart suffer, He puts you through difficult times so that you come to know that this life is temporary, so that you yearn for jannah so much that your heart only remembers Allah. He makes this dunya hurt you to an extent that you only find peace with the fact that if you worship Him, if you please Him, He will reward you with a place where happiness is known for its eternity, a place where your heart will always smile.

-ND.Hashim 

It has always belonged to Him and have always belonged to Him

Dear Blog 

Salam 1 Malaysia 

And....... it's not even about the sadness I'm feel, nor am aren't even lost in the pasts. there's just an empty space  all I feel sometimes, and despite having people around, I feel covered up in loneliness. as if I have never been loved before, as if all of our wounds have never been healed. there's just a longing deep down, the longing that has no origin, I do not get where it's coming from. and in the midst of our pain, our thoughts suddenly find their way back to the One who created us, suddenly try to cling onto His words, onto His heart warming promises that He has made in His book for us. and it hurts a little more, knowing that the peace I should have been gaining within His company was being searched in the places that have never known about its existence. it hurts because the home this dunya has carved in our hearts seems so permanent. but, I know that even if the heart has been attached to temporary things, Allah has still got it. because He was the first one Who had entered it and He will always be the One to guard it. no matter how much it wanders off His paths, He will definitely find a way to take it back to Him. because it has always belonged to Him, we have always belonged to Him.  

 -ND. Hashim 

LGK Trip Awesome

Dear Blog (:

Salam 1 Malaysia 

Last minute planning trip could make your vacation very meaningful .

When Bashril said , "Do u have a plan, go to any place ? " 

This gentleman kan , really can read my mind lol  ...

So ..., 

HELLO LANGKAWI ,Kedah .

Good friend for vacation 

Tawakkul

Dear Blog (:

Salam 1 Malaysia 

Sometimes , tests from Allah makes you realise , things that you were too blind to see

In certain situations , all you can do is pray .

Dont let anyone tell you different , at the end of the day it'is all about Tawakkul :)

Diana turning 27 year old

Dear Blog (:

Salam 1 Malaysia ..

8 August is my special day .. 

Happy Birthday Nurul Diana ,

You're already 27 years old on 2019 . 

Thanks Allah , I'm grateful that you're still give me alive .

Everyone is given the same enjoyment of life but  just a different story behind our life .

Diana , you made a lot of self-improvement , bravo !

Just in other side of sustenance , Im still trying and hope ....

I understand that Allah love to people who are patient and believe in qada& qadr .

So , now u are quite matured enough and getting old haha..

Please be a good women , with a good manner , with a good akidah , kindness, and be a strong women as always !

No worries Diana , just hope do whatever it is you need to do in order to find your peace of mind.

 I believe in you. I won’t give up on you... no matter how happy in own life,

 I will not leave you behind Diana .